It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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