That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
