But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Too much gin, very little bucket
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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