i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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