i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
