Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I believe in your delicious
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Randomize
