I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
