the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
