It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
