No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
