I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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