No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
