Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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