absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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