I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
