You made me cry and you don't even care
my mouth tastes like poor choices
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
