I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
