I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
