why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
