Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
