Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
