im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
