He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
