Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
