You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
