college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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