Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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