He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
