Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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