i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
apparently the secret to your success is patron
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
