I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
