We won't sleep together?
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
