I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
