I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
