Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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