I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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