All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
