carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Don't tell me you're on acid again
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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