Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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