you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
