i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
