Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
