went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
