It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
