My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
