Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
