I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
