I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Randomize
