dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
