If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
