she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
