You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
