I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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